Giving Thanks...

"I am so blessed...I only need more hours in the day to count all my blessings." --Julia Roberts

This Thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for.

After a very difficult year, I finally feel like I am much stronger. If I have anything to be thankful for, it is the gift of change, because like Albert Einstein said, "In the midst of difficulty, lies opportunity." Everything changes, just like the seasons, and everyday brings the opportunity to spend time with the ones we love, from our friends to our families...and to do more to help others who have less than we do. Somebody always has it harder than we do, and we have to take a moment to be grateful for all of the blessings God's given to us.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that God has, at times, shown me what struggle, sacrifice, and adversity truly is. If he hadn't, I never would have been able to appreciate the blessings that he has sent in my life or realize that He really does send us miracles every single day, whether we choose to recognize them or not...and sometimes, he allows us to go through hard times so that he can make a major miracle happen right before our eyes.

I am thankful for the gift of a beautiful, supportive family who have been there for me to wipe away my tears, reassure me that everything is going to be alright, and make me feel loved, not just sometimes, but everyday. I'm blessed and so grateful for the friendships that God has allowed me to have and to keep over the years, because those friends have changed my life for the better. I am thankful for being able to see, hear, feel, and experience all the beauty that He created in the world. Even things as "shallow" or as "petty" as fashion are so much more special and meaningful when you see them as gifts from God.

I ask God to continue to bless me with my health, and to help me to see that there is always a reason to be happy, to laugh, to share love, to forgive, to learn, and to grow as a woman.

Happy Thanksgiving...the only thing I could ask for is more hours in the day to count all of my blessings.

Brunettes Have More Fun

A Transcript of a Text Message Conversation With a Great Friend of Mine (Who is Also a Man, and Does Not CARE about Hair):

ME: So, I have a really serious question for you. I need you to really think about it, I know it sounds funny, but I'm being completely serious here.

HIM: Ok, tell me what it is, and I'll tell you what I think.

ME: Should I highlight my hair, or keep it dark? Do blondes really have more fun? I can't remember if I did, when I had honey colored highlights, or if I like being a brunette better.

HIM: All the things going on in the world, and in your life, and you are seriously conflicted over the color of your hair?! You look great, either way. I don't know...

ME: Global warming is important, war, world peace, ending hunger...those are all important issues I'm concerned about. But my hair? Still needs to look pretty while I work on figuring out solutions to those problems. Thanks for your time.


I've been contemplating dying my hair (lightening it) for a few months now, but it really is a big commitment. It's almost like deciding to get into a new relationship. There's going to be some maintenance involved, you know you might have to dish out hefty amounts of money if you want to sustain it, and you will have to pay a professional to repair any split ends you may have.

That said, I think I decided to stay brunette once I saw this photo of Jessica Biel with brunette hair. Biel, ever the girl with beachy, flowy hair with caramel highlights, has gone darker for winter, evidently (or maybe a movie role?) and she looks great. Since we have a similar eye color (not really skin color, but eye color) the contrast of dark hair against tan skin with light eyes is always a little edgy and exotic. That's a look I could live with.

At least for a few months, until I am dying for a change again.
I'm sure I'll be texting many more people at that time to question what I should do about my hair color. Be prepared.

Another Spur Bites the Dust...

I have often questioned whether or not I may, in fact, just be psychic. I have tendencies to predict things before they actually happen, or have premonitions, or intuitive feelings, or visions of events playing out exactly the way they end up occurring, only days later. It's a weird feeling, and sometimes a bigger burden than an actual gift. Still, I feel somewhat blessed in certain circumstances. And I do believe I need to start using my blessings as a means for increasing my own bank account.

TMZ, if you are reading this, I would love to be your resident in-house psychic. And if you reject me, Chelsea Handler? Can you please give me a call? I think you need a little psychic lovin' on your show. Please don't try calling Latoya Jackson, either. That bitch be craaa-zy. Just because you've had your entire face rhinoplastied & reshaped or because you're MJ's sister (RIP, MJ!) does not qualify you to charge people $2.99/minute on the Psychic Friends Network.

That being said, I had a weird, eery feeling about trouble in paradise that had nothing to do with the tabloid rumors surrounding Eva and Tony WEEKS before news broke of their split, but when I opened up Yahoo.com the other day at work to check my email, the first words out of my mouth were, "Hot damn, I need to move to Sedona or Venice Beach and read tarot cards for a living! I really AM a psychic."

Upon discovering Tony was a lying, backstabbing cheat who was texting and communicating with one of their mutual friends, Erin Barry, I got to work trying to figure out exactly who this Barry chick was and what she looked like. I was hoping she looked like roadkill, but to my surprise, she didn't. Bummer.

Nevertheless, I still maintain she is not as pretty as Eva or as educated, accomplished, or talented, and bottom line? The bitch ain't Latina, and I'd love to see a 6'5, 250 lb man enjoy eating salad greens from a plastic bag for the holidays when he could be having homemade tamales and tortillas.

Here is my own personal Dear John letter to Tony. PS--You owe me $3.99, asshole. When you married my homegirl, Eva, I was so happy for the both of you, I ran out and bought OK! Magazine because they had all your wedding photos, exclusively. Please feel free to send it to me, or, get me courtside seats to a Suns/Spurs game, preferably in proximity to Robin Lopez. I, too, would like to be an NBA wife, except we would be much more like Khloe and Lamar than Eva and Tony.

Dear Tony,
It all started out so sweet...you met Eva and her Dad, which I thought was really cute. She took her pops to a Spurs game and then a tour of the locker room, where you introduced yourself. I have a hard time believing that a Mexican man who goes hunting really was all that impressed with a guy who had a French accent and wants to believe he can have any kind of legit rapping career in France, or anywhere, for that matter, when his voice sounds borderline homo, but maybe he did. I wasn't there. Just sayin.' You took her to dinner, you kissed, blah, blah, blah. She got a rock, you met her at the altar, and I paid $3.99 of my hard earned money to see what your wedding photos looked like. Eva had about 40 women in your wedding party, no surprise, as she is, after all, Mexican. Latinas believe in the phrase, go big or go home. That could also be why she married a black man. Again, just sayin.'



She was the devoted wife, even if she was busy playing one on TV. Yet, she still managed to attend many of your games, and I loved that she still incorporated cute, stylish little jackets into her wardrobe. The Spurs even came out with an entire line of women's clothing inspired by Eva and her support for your team. But obviously, one basketball wife was not enough for you. You were kissing a 5'2, bronze and beautiful Latina, and you still had to have your former teammate's girl, too. What's up with that, Tony? Who do you think you are, Tiger Woods? You can't have your tres leches cake, and eat it too, and I'm sure Eva's mom, sisters, and her entire entourage of Latina friends will be sure to inform you of this. If anyone can play the part of the woman scorned, it is NOT Bree Van de Camp or Lynette Scavo on Desperate Housewives. Oh, NO. It's a Latina woman. Piss one of us off, you piss off the entire global population of Hispanic chicks. The wives section? Is gonna be pretty empty now, isn't it, Tony?



I always appreciated how you seemed to be supportive of Eva, too. You even built a mansion with her in San Antonio. And for a while, when I started thinking about sacrifices and relationships, I looked to your example when thinking about long distance relationships. They might be hard, but if you can make it work, it's worth it. That's what I convinced myself. Obviously, you needed more attention, although I find it hard to believe you would have been faithful to Eva even if she was up your ass 24-7. Which is really too bad because nothing is cuter next to a really tall, athletic man than a tiny little Mexican girl. Ya screwed up, Big T.



Although I was always a cheerleader (not a Spurs cheerleader, I'm a Suns girl, through and through) for The Longoria-Parkers and was rooting for your relationship to work, I really am disappointed in the way it all ended, much like I have been disappointed in so many of my own dating disasters. Though I don't know you, if I did, I would probably share all this info with you in person, and tell you how I really feel. But since I don't, I will just say that I think you are yet another example of a selfish douche who didn't know what he really had until a good woman walked away from him. I really believe Eva will have the last laugh, Tony, and in honor of ALL the Mexican women who have been done wrong, I hope she is laughing ALL the way to the bank.



Every kiss may begin with k, but you can kiss your Latin lover goodbye, Parker. It's been real. P.S.--Make that check payable to LC, and feel free to send it ASAP. I need some cash for Christmas. Not all of us Latinas have our own perfume, movie deals, or part on a hit TV show. Not to mention alimony from an NBA player. Thanks for the past several years, Tony, but just FYI, you could've at least made it to a full 7, so we could have at least blamed it on the seven year itch. The only itching you're gonna be doing? Will come courtesy of whatever it is you contract from your mistress. Good luck to ya, honey.

xoxo,
LC

A Nail Polish Fairytale Come True

I am not going to lie, the fact that Deborah Lippman is a fellow ASU alumni makes me want to promote her products all the more, since she is, of course, a Sun Devil at the heart of it. This is not the only reason I love Lippman nail polish, of course, and I can give you about 10 good reasons why. For now, I'll give you my top two.

Lippman, a manicurist to the stars, who has clients like Martha Stewart in her portfolio, has been in business for years, and has truly perfected nail polish...the polish doesn't chip. Not only does it take ages before you do see a chip in your polish, you get a glossy, shiny finish with the first application, so it looks like you've got a topcoat already built into the polish. This saves us gals on the go a whole lot of time to focus on other important pasttimes. Like shopping. And salon visits. Hey, a girl still has to have priorities in life.

The other reason I'm in love with these polishes is, of course, because of the array of colors she comes out with, and the adorable names. I'm just head over heels for "Today was a Fairytale," above, no doubt named for the Taylor Swift song. Since my life is much more "Bad Romance" than something out of a fairytale, I also must mention my love of the pretty plum polish pictured below, named after Lady GaGa's famed song.

Too bad Lady GaGa didn't go to ASU. I think she would've been able to hold it together a little bit better if she was an ASU girl. Then again, after time spent visiting dorms around campus, maybe not.

To buy Lippman polish, visit Nordstrom stores, or purchase online at: www.lippmancollection.com. They make amazing stocking stuffers, too. That's a hint, for those of you who were planning to throw oranges and apples in your sister's stocking. Yeah, she doesn't want fruit for Christmas, Chiquita Banana, but thanks for the sentiment.

A Little Note to Lamar's Baby Mama...

I just read an article in The New York Post (yes, I read gossip. I know it might be bad, but since it's about people I will likely never meet in my lifetime, I feel like it might be a little bit better than participating in gossip about people I actually know.) In the article, Lamar Odom was getting blasted by his ex, Liza Morales, for being with Khloe Kardashian and for "checking out" as a father. He is now suing her for visitation and to have his child support adjusted, and she wasted no time being nothing but nasty in the damn New York Post.

And I would just like to say, step off his shit, bitch. Yeah, you heard me. And while you're at it, get off of Khloe's ass, too. Let the lovers love and let the haters hate, and since you belong in the second category, why don't you take your ghetto hairdo and your bad manners and go back to trying to find some other guy to harass. I mean, don't you have any pride? Who were your parents, girl?

Everyone deserves a chance to move on and to fall in love, and be in love. If he didn't love you, Liza, then why don't you leave him be, and let him start a new life with Khloe? Get over yourself already, let him be a father to his children, which, by the way, should be your FIRST priority--don't get it twisted--and quit using them as chess pieces in your little game. Because the only one you're gonna end up playing in this whole situation? Is you.

I am so sick and tired of women using their prior claims to a man like marriage or a relationship, or their children, as a tool for manipulation. This moves ALL women backwards, not forwards.

I was really happy when Khloe found love, and it makes me happy to see her in love with Lamar and treating him right, and I have no doubt she'd be a great mother to her stepchildren, because she's taken care of everyone in her own family for so many years. Hate the fact that he moved on, hate that he moved on to a beautiful, stunning woman, hate that he married a Kardashian and no matter who you hire as your attorney, his attorney is going to be a Robert Kardashian protege and is going to kick your lawyer's ass every which way from Sunday. Hate that the whole world can see that Khloe makes him extraordinarily happy when they're together. Be as jealous as you want, Liza, but don't take your kids' chance at MORE happiness away from them just because of your own fucking selfishness.

I guess that's just what I had to say.

To all the baby mamas out there...yes, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. But if you don't start getting some act right in that step of yours, one of MY hands won't hesitate to bitch slap you across the face. You might watch the E! channel, but you don't KNOW from reality until you see LC in full effect.

Peace, Love, and NO more drama...
LC

To Lil Wayne, With Love

Dear Lil Wayne,

So, a little bird told me today (okay, who the hell am I kidding, I read that shit online, probably from Perez Hilton's big mouth, but I'm not one to point fingers, and I'm sure you can respect that) that you might have fathered a FIFTH child, somewhere in the south. And not only in the south, but in Missouri. I once dated a guy who had inseminated a woman in Missouri during his college days, and can I just ask for a moment? What is it about that state? Are there NO extracurricular activities? Does everyone just go to Missouri, and decide to knock someone up? I just had to ask, because I find it interesting that every guy I know has impregnated someone from that state. Okay, well, maybe not EVERY guy. The rest of the guys I know drop their seed in all the other 49 states, and Puerto Rico, so I guess they've covered the states you haven't yet reached.

The point I'm trying to make is, Wayne (can I call you that? Or are we just not at that level yet?) I think that you really need to keep an accurate record of your sperm emissions, especially when you're visiting states you did not grow up in, or live in. I mean, it's okay to visit St. Louis, or Kansas City, but it's quite another to partner with the stork and leave a little bundle of joy for yet another baby mama. I mean, you already fathered four children. Maybe a little voluntary snippage might not be such a bad idea, ya know?

I once had a guy I was seeing tell me he was planning to have a vasectomy. This was right before he asked me if I was taking the birth control pill. Did I mention this was the day before Valentines Day? It was quite unromantic, Mr. Carter, and so I'd just like to suggest that if you do decide to go this route, you probably shouldn't bring it up until you say the "L" word, and all that jazz, because that way, she can't run for the door. Nothing spells out an awkwardly painful conversation better than opening up with a line about the "V" word...and I'm talking about vasectomies, not vag-jay-jays.

However, I have to say, in your situation, it might be a rather smart idea to get your vas deferens clipped, because you've smoked more weed than Cheech and Chong, and as a professional in the educational system, I think I speak on behalf of every educator when I say that we just can't handle more kids who are about as slow as Jay and Silent Bob and who think it's socially acceptable to light up a joint in the bathroom at recess. Although I'm sure your children are adorable, especially if they have your hairdo. Nothing makes society smile more than little kids running around with Whoopi Goldberg/Bob Marley hair.

Also, if you ever plan to date again, I can tell you that most women? Do not like baby mama drama. It is a REAL bitch to have to put up with one crazy lady on your ass because she thinks she can be, much less two or three baby mamas. That's just asking to have your next girlfriend hooked on prescription Xanax. A woman can only take so much chaos and drama before she is ready to go off the deep end. As I am sure you're quite aware of, hence most of the lyrics in your songs. If you don't know, now you know, and if you still don't know, you might wanna call Eminem. I'm sure he has a LOT to tell you about what can happen when you knock up some bitch you really can't stand. You might make millions off of songs like "Love the Way You Lie" but you will be stuck dealing with her bullshit for the next 18 years, minimum.

Just a little advice, from me, to you. PS--Congrats on your recent release from jail. I'm sure this dumb broad who claims you fathered her child and now wants every Tom, Dick, and Lil Wayne she had sex with to take a DNA test timed your release from prison just perfectly with her announcement to the media. She might be some trifling hoe who is just asking to get attention and money out of you, but she's no dummy. Most gold digging Maury Povich dropouts know every PR secret in the book, and I'm sure she's no exception. Nothing says "Welcome Home!" better than asking a guy to do a paternity test.

If you were my brother, I'd tell you to get a subscription to Playboy, and a bottle of Jergens, and save yourself the hassle of paying HELLA money to women you really wouldn't even LIKE if you had to spend the rest of your life with them. A cold and lonely bed is better than a big chunk of your record label profits going to yet another child who may or may not be yours.

You may not like what I had to say, but like your song lyrics, you can love me or hate me, I swear it won't make me or break me.

Peace, Love, and Many Trojans to You, Lil Wayne,
LC